没品笑话集：为什么警察只打白人抗议者？

为什么警察只打白人抗议者？

因为只有纳税人才能得到全套服务。
Why do police only beat white protesters?.

Because only tax payers get the full service.---jackmeough

女朋友说她要离开我，因为我太粘人了……
我说没关系的，我跟你一起走。
My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I was too clingy...
I said its okay I'll come with you ---burner

要想彻底解决奥运会上跨性别女拳击选手的问题，只需要允许女子比赛中击打腰部以下的位置就行。
They could solve all the issues with trans women boxers at the Olympics by allowing women to punch below the belt.---chalky

我一直在做同性恋的试验。

和毛茸茸的小动物一样，同性恋也不喜欢被电刑。
I have been experimenting with homosexuality.

And just like small furry animals, homosexuals don't like being electrocuted either.---rejectdog

谁再敢质疑我的男子气概，我这杯滚烫的薰衣草花茶就会泼在谁的脸上。
The next person who questions my masculinity is going to get themselves a face full of piping hot lavender tea.---theancient

实用小妙招

把整张脸纹成黑色或是棕色，然后你就能在英国横着走了。
Top Tip

Tattoo your entire face black or brown, and then just do what the fuck you like in England--gunghoed

我的时间机器精确地出现在了希特勒的起居室，时间是1940年，我想现在正是我改变世界的机会。

“求你了，先生”我恳求道，“请不要用毒气杀害犹太人。”

“用毒气杀犹太人？”元首回我道，“emmm，我怎么没想到。”
My time machine landed slap bang in the middle of Hitlers living room in 1940, I thought now's my chance to change the world,

"Please sir," I pleaded, "don't gas the Jews. "

"Gas the Jews?" Hitler replied, "h'mm, I hadn't thought of that. "---rejectdog

我就喜欢这些暴乱，黑人无业福利小偷大战白人无业福利小偷。
Love these riots, black unemployed benefit cheats against white unemployed benefit cheats.---rejectdog

暴徒们冲进利物浦的Shoezone(连锁鞋商)洗劫商品，只留下了工装靴。

Rioting thugs have looted Shoezone in Liverpool and taken everything except work boots. ---ericdidage

儿子问我说：“爸爸，什么是黑色幽默？”
我说：“看到那个俩手都没了的男人吗？你去让他鼓鼓掌。”
“不行啊，”他说，“我是盲人啊。”

My son asked me, "Dad, what's dark humour?"

I replied, "See that man over there with no hands? Ask him to clap."

"I can't," He replied. "I'm blind."---universalcredit

昨天，一名14岁的少女死于一场肇事逃逸。今天，案发现场的路灯下满是鲜花。

谁能想到一个花季少女能当这么好的肥料？

A fourteen year old girl was killed in a hit-and-run accident yesterday. Today, the lamppost where she died was covered in flowers.

Who knew that fourteen year old girls made such good fertilizer?---universalcredit

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