没品笑话集：我老婆让我收拾东西滚出这个家

我老婆让我收拾东西滚出这个家。在我推开门正要走的时候，她在我身后喊道：“希望你下半辈子都活在苦难、厌烦和痛苦之中！”我就问她：“能不能别一会儿一变？刚才还说让我滚蛋，现在又想让我留下来！”
My Mrs has just told me to pack my bags and Fuck Off.
As I walked out the door she screamed 'And I hope you spend the rest of your life in misery, boredom and pain'
I said 'Make your mind up. One minute you're telling me to Fuck Off and now you want me to stay!' ---vapemansawanka

以色列说他们已经将哈马斯在加沙地带的130处地道夷为平地。

在骄傲月之外，我从未听过有如此多的“地道”被毁掉。
Israel says it has levelled 130 Hamas underground passageways in the Gaza Strip.

I've never heard of so many tunnels getting destroyed outside of Pride Month. ---niggerfarage

伦敦有多名抗议者因焚烧犹太旗帜而陷入麻烦。

太可耻了！要知道中国小孩为了制作这些旗子可没少下功夫。
Several protesters in London got into trouble for burning Jewish flags.

It's a shame because children in China worked very hard to make those flags... ---apollo17

我是一名反犹太复国主义的犹太人，但我永远都不会焚烧以色列的国旗。

哎！现如今这火柴可太贵了。
I'm an anti-Zionist Jew, but I would never burn the Israeli flag.

Oy vey! Matches are so pricey nowadays.--niggerfarage

当初要是知道这帮黑脸娃娃会变得如此招人烦，我们就自己摘棉花了。

If we knew the golliwogs were going to become this annoying we would have picked our own fucking cotton. --innit

刚在Ebay上新买了一件儿皮夹克，标价425刀，最后让我20刀买下。

到货以后我正反面检查了一遍，只发现了一个小毛病：左边的袖子比另外两个短了10公分。
Just bought a new leather jacket off Ebay, listed at ?425, but I got it for ?20.
Examined it closely and the only minor fault I found was that the left arm is half an inch shorter than the other two.--leeh769

玛莎百货就一则广告道了歉，因该广告中带有巴勒斯坦国旗颜色的圣诞派对帽子被投进火中。

一名发言人称：“我们完全忘了犹太人压根儿就不过圣诞节。”

Marks & Spencer has apologised for an advert in which Christmas party hats in the colour of the Palestine flag were thrown into the fire.

A spokesman said, 'We completely forgot that the Jews don't do Christmas.'--niggerfarage

我是一名警察，今天早些时候，我用泰瑟枪制服了一名危险的持械黑人男子，然后尽最快速度把他拷了起来。完事儿我才如释重负。想想都后怕，他可能会用那根牙签捅到谁。
I'm a policeman, and earlier today I tasered a black man who was armed and dangerous and slapped the cuffs on him as quick as I could. And then I breathed a sigh of relief. He could have stabbed anyone with that toothpick.--hadoken

我认识一位擅长格斗的女士，她生在英国，后来搬到了以色列，没过多久又皈依了伊斯兰教，她的名字叫---犹苏(柔术)。

I once knew a lady that knew how to fight, she was born in the UK, then she moved to Israel, after a while she converted to Islam, her name was Jew-Jit-Sue.--microwave

你们是不是也挺讨厌这种事儿？在你擦屁股的时候，手指头戳破厕纸直接捅到菊花上。

这事儿发生的太频繁了，我老婆已经禁止我给女儿擦屁股了。

Don't you hate it when your finger rips through the toilet paper and goes all the way up the bum?

It happens that often, my wife has banned me from wiping our daughter's ass from now on. --juicywontons69