哦漏！
今天，我从楼梯上滚了下来，然后一头撞在了墙上。我爹妈着急忙慌的冲到我身旁，赶忙确认墙有没有被撞坏。FML
Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML
贱女孩
今天，我终于鼓起勇气，给学校的那个漂亮妞儿发短信。我在短信里是各种撩，谁承想她给我的号码是她男朋友的啊！FML
Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number.
空白画布
今天，有人在我家房子的外墙上喷了一个黑色的骷髅头。我们刷漆盖掉了它，又安装了几盏灯。寻思着这样应该能劝退不速之客，毕竟这么亮堂了，他们也就不敢胡作非为了吧。然后灯被偷了。FML
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
金手指
今天，我发现男朋友认为拉完屎后没必要擦屁股。FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML
再见！
今天，我被公司开除了。因为什么？老板觉得给他儿子的女朋友发工资不舒服。FML
Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML
又见面啦！
今天，我在机场等着见父亲，最后一次见还是我4岁的时候。在我等他的时候，一个陌生男人开始跟我撩骚。给我惹毛了，就跟他说我在等我爹，让他赶紧给我滚蛋。没想到他就是我爹。FML
Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML
野啊
今天，我下班回家后发现狗不见了。于是就找邻居问她见没见到我的狗，然后瞅见我的狗正睡在她家沙发上。她还找补说那是她的狗。FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
永恒
今天，我在上厕所时，偶然听到年轻的同事正在讨论我几岁。他们说：“她到底多大岁数啊？有时候看起来像是35，有时候看起来又跟58似的！”。FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, I overheard my younger coworkers discussing my age. They said, “How old is she? Some days she looks like she's 35 and other days she looks like she's 58!” FML
戏精
今天，我在跑向车时，脚下一滑，一头撞在了车门上。霎时间血流如注，头晕目眩，于是我赶紧开车上医院，路上还给妈妈打电话告知她。她说我因为“游手好闲”被禁足了，还说“受够了我那些小伎俩了”。FML
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
分不清
今天，全家一起看橄榄球比赛，频繁提起球队里四分卫的名字。我是个彻头彻尾的球盲，问他们谁是谁。然后奶奶扭头冲着我说：“难怪你没有男朋友。”FML
Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML
父亲劫
今天，我们拿到了女儿的出生证明。结果发现老公瞒着我给女儿取了个中间名，而且专门整了个发音搞笑的。我就不在网上说她的真名了，但这名儿就跟给男孩子起名叫Ben Dover(Bend over 俯身、撅腚)一样糟糕。我真是要气疯了。FML
Today, we got our daughter's birth certificate. Turns out my husband thought it would be funny to give her a middle name, which we never discussed, and he picked one to sound funny. Not actually going to tell the internet her name, but it’s as bad as calling a boy Ben Dover. I’m furious. FML
疑神疑鬼
今天，男朋友告诉我，他曾经被恶魔附身过，所以现在睡觉时枕头下都放着一把刀，就是为了抵御那些“以他灵魂为食的黑暗恶灵”。我估计短期内是不会去他那儿过夜了。FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon
得友如此。。。
今天，跟男朋友分手后我很伤心。我的好闺蜜听说后，告诉我她马上过来陪我。我等了仨点儿才等到了醉到走不动道儿的她。她之前一直在酒吧里陪我的前男友，确定他没事儿了才离开。而我还得陪她在厕所里“清点”她当晚的酒水明细。FML
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML