没品笑话集
双语对照：9/11笑话集
今天是9/11的十周年，在悲伤的同时，这一“禁忌话题”也为西方网友们——主要是那些不是美国人的网友和那些是美国人的网友——提供了说笑的素材。一来，破坏禁忌本身拥有快感，粗话脏话、挑战权威、露天野合等等的吸引力就在于此；二来，幽默本身也是缓解痛苦、抚平创伤的一种方式。在这里，摘选一些9/11主题的笑话出来，与大家分享。
两点说明：
1、由于不少笑话有文字游戏的成分，因此一律贴出双语版。双关部分会同时翻出或加注释。
2、主要出自英美网友。很多段子的出处已经不可考，链接仅供参考——虽然大多数都是Sickipedia上的链接，但里面显然也有不少是美国人想出的段子。此外，图片基本都是出自美国网友。
略有重复。
The best thing about 9/11 was my house climbed 2 spots in the world's tallest building ranks.
9/11最爽的一点就是，我家房子在全球最高建筑物的排行榜上一下子上升了两位！
I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
“信仰可以移山”，我并不相信，信仰对摩天大楼能做什么，倒还真是见到了。
（语出圣经，耶稣曾提及只要有“信（心）”，哪怕叫山挪开，山也一定会挪开）
'A' is the 1st letter of the alphabet and 'H' is the 8th letter, right?
9/11 = 0.81818181 = HAHAHAHA
按字母顺序来算，“A”是第一个，“H”是第八个，对不对？
所以 9/11 = 0.81818181... = HAHAHAHA...
“Never Forget”是常见于重大悲剧事件后的台词，可译为“永不忘怀”或“勿忘”
craig__2k4
The American police have said they will never forget 9/11.
Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number!
美国警方表示他们绝不会忘记9/11。
那敢情是啊，你们自个儿电话不就是这个么！
What was the last thing to go through the mind of the 9/11 victim on the 58th floor?
The 59th floor!
一名站在58层楼上的9/11遇难者，死前最后闪过他脑中的是什么？
是59层楼呀！
——天上又不会掉下堆大波美女来！
——十年前的今天，会……
勿忘…………
（原对话发生于9月10日，稍作处理）
Lego has announced that in 2011, they are to release the 9/11 10th anniversary model... Instructions are so simple even an American can build...
Empty contents onto floor...
乐高宣布将在2011年推出9/11十年纪念的模组，搭建方法之简单，甚至连美国人搭起来都毫无困难……
只要把积木往地上那么一倒……
Why couldn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
They weren't wheelchair accessible.
超人为什么没能保护双子塔？
因为那儿轮椅不能上。
（影响最大的超人扮演者克里斯托弗·里夫在骑马时摔伤而瘫痪）
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's.... Oh shit, it IS a plane!
是鸟！
是飞机！
是……我擦真的是飞机！！
America's policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall.
I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.
美国人先开枪后问话的一贯方针是他们众多灾难的罪魁祸首。
想想看，9/11时要是有金刚在，那不跟吃饭似的！
So America got 9/11.
And London got 7/7.
Rating's don't lie, america.
We're much better than you.
美国有个9/11。
伦敦有个7/7。（2005年伦敦连环爆炸）
打分是不会骗人的啊，美国佬们——
咱们可比你们强多了！
When does a pentagon have 4 sides?
When it intersects a plane.
五边形什么时候只有四条边？
当它与另一个平面相切的时候。
双关：五角大楼什么时候只有四个角？
当它与一架飞机相交的时候。
I don't know why there is so much negative talk about the Twin Towers.
In my opinion it's the best Lord of the Rings film
我不太理解为什么近来对“双塔”有那么多负面言论
明明是魔戒里拍得最好的一部嘛
“我为你而倾倒！”
What's Islam and a sat-nav got in common?
You think you're on the right path, but follow them literally and you'll end up smashing into a fucking building.
伊斯兰教和车载卫星导航系统有什么共同点？
你觉得自己是在正确的道路上，可你要是一字不差地按照它给你的指示，很快就会撞到几栋楼里去！
I think Al Qaeda made a huge mistake knocking down both Twin Towers. Just think how embarassing it would be only having one Twin Tower.
我觉得基地组织把双子塔都给撞塌了是一个极大的决策失误，你们想想看，如果双子塔只有一座的话，这得多尴尬…………
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back?
My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.
呃，问你们一个问题，回人短信的时候，多久才算太迟？
我妻子至今还以为我在9/11中丧生了……
至今已经十年了……
自从哈利·波特的第一部电影以来…………
US soldiers in Afghanistan have completed a 9.11km run to mark the day.
I see you'll use the metric system when it suits you... lazy cunts.
在阿富汗的美军士兵进行了一次距离9.11公里的长跑，以纪念这个日子。
哦，这时到想起来用公制了是吧……懒成精了吧啊？
American Airlines chiefs were devastated when their planes hit The Twin Towers. Not so much because of all the innocent people who died but because they had to scrap their just about to be launched multi-million dollar advertising campaign based around the slogan: 'American Airlines- We fly you straight into the office.'
美国航空公司的老总们得知他们的飞机撞上双子塔时如丧考妣，倒不是因为有这么多无辜的人丧生于这场灾难，而是因为他们刚花了好几百万元美金打造了一次宣传攻势，准备推出他们的新口号：“美国航空——让我们把你直接飞到办公室。”
I love how the Americans are blaming British Petroleum for the oil spill even though it was an American component that failed which caused the whole thing.
In keeping with the theory, I blame American Airlines for 9/11.
I saw them do it.
看到美国人在那儿把墨西哥湾漏油全都怪到英国石油头上真是太喜感了，明明造成漏油的原因是美国那边部分的人员啊。（原文略有不明确，负责钻探的Transocean公司是瑞士的，而钻井平台“深水地平线”则是在韩国组装的）
按这套理论，我就说9/11全是美国航空的错。
我看到是他们干的呗。
“为了庆祝9/11，我打算让邻居踢我的档，然后到街上去随便找个路人去打架！”
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 10 years.
9/11和奶牛有什么区别？
奶牛挤个十年也就够了。
（除了挤奶之外，milk作为动词还有榨取价值、博取同情和利益的意思。）
How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?
The rest of your life.
从110层楼到地面，需要花多长时间？
一辈子。/你的余生。
We read a lot in the newspapers about strategies to prevent another September 11th happening but, upon checking my calendar today, I noticed that yet another one is planned for later this year. Will they never learn?
在报纸上经常看到他们在讨论一些什么“阻止另一次9/11发生”的策略，不过今天我翻了翻日历，马上又要到9/11了嘛。他们这根本不上心啊！
Q: What's al Qaeda's favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets.
问：基地组织最喜欢的美式足球队是哪一只？
答：纽约喷气机队。
美国摔角界传奇Hulk Hogan
——9/11笑话一点都不好笑。
——它们根本就不道德。/它们就是飞机开错了嘛。（plain与plane谐音）
As someone who worked in the South Tower on 9/11 I was disturbed to find so many of you Brits see this as a source of humour. Everybody in the vicinity lost something that day. I'd been working on a PowerPoint presentation for three days. Had pie charts and everything. Was about to save it on my Flashcard when the second plane hit.
Three fucking days!
作为一名在9/11当天身处世贸南塔的幸存者，我必须指出，你们这些英国人把这当成是一个笑料实在使我忧心。那一天，被袭击地点的每个人都失去了很多……当时，我正在处理花了三天才做完的PPT演示文稿，图表画面什么的齐全，正准备存到我的U盘上的时候，第二架飞机撞了上来。
他妈的整整三天啊！！！
美国饮料Kool-Aid广告形象的经典登场方式：大喊“Oh Yeah！”破墙而出
September 11th 2001, Arab terrorists fly planes into buildings, killing 3000 American citizens on US soil.
September 11th 1944, The RAF firebomb Darmstadt killing 11,500 German citizens on their own soil.
Can't help thinking that once again, Britain just does it better, first.
2001年9月11日，阿拉伯恐怖分子开着飞机撞了大楼，在当地杀死了3000多名美国平民。
1944年9月11日，英国皇家空军轰炸德国达姆施达特市，在当地杀死了11500多名德国平民。
你们看，果然还是咱们大不列颠的不仅效率高，而且干得早。
I was standing in the lobby of the World Trade Center wondering how to get to the top when it came to me...
我站在世贸中心的大厅，正想着该怎么样去顶楼呢……
结果顶楼主动来见我了……
（when it came to me原意为“我突然想到/我突然想起”）
why were 911 victims the fastest readers? They went through dozens of stories in seconds.
为什么说911遇难者们读书是最快的？
因为他们几秒钟内就能看掉几十个故事/跌落几十层楼。
■世贸大楼高度（英尺）
ncoreos
Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.
从统计上来说，9/11的美国人看不懂这个笑话。
（get双关“看懂”和“看到”，一方面，9/11中丧生的人自然看不到这个笑话，另一方面，11个美国人里有9个看不懂这个笑话，是在嘲笑美国人蠢）
I don't know how you can make jokes about people dying or who are about to die.
My brother died on 9/11, when the twin towers were attacked - he left behind two little girls and a boy.
You lot have no idea of the pain his family goes through every time you mention that date.
Even if people don't visit this sick site, the jokes still continue and are passed around by text, so don't give me that "you shouldn't be looking at our site which is for depraved people like us", it doesn't lessen the grief.
My brother was a good man, it's such a shame that he got caught up in it all and that the FBI didn't question why he was taking flying lessons in the first place.
真无法理解，你们竟然能拿那些死了的人们和将要死去的人们开玩笑。
我的弟弟在9/11中丧生，他和双子塔一起死去，撒手离开了他还没长大的两个女儿和一个儿子。
你们这些人根本无法体会到他的家人们听到“9/11”时所感受的痛苦。
就算人们不来这个恶毒、下流的网站，这些笑话仍然会以文字的形式在网上传播，所以请不要对我说什么“这个网站就是给我们这群没品的混蛋开的呀，你别看不就行了”，这种话根本于事无补。
我的弟弟是个好人，被卷入这一切真是无尽的遗憾。同样遗憾的是，FBI怎么就不好好问问他学开飞机是为什么呢……
最后附送一则悲伤的漫画：
