没品笑话集：我老婆当上了交通协管员

我老婆当上了交通协管员。我感觉她可能有点被权力冲昏头脑了。昨儿晚上我俩干了一炮，完事儿她对我说“一共是40英镑”。我惊愕道：“有没有搞错啊，我就只呆了2分钟啊。”
My wife's got a job as a traffic warden. I think the power has gone to her head. We were having sex last night and afterwards she said "that will be £40"
I said "for fuck sake, I was only in there 2 minutes" ---stikcyagain

两个绿绿坐在一个浴缸里，一人对另外一人说：“快点划！我能看见英格兰了！”
2 Muslims in a bath, one says to the other
"Keep paddling, I can see England '' ---andyfreak

唐纳德·特能躲！
Donald DUCK! ---ozziewanker85

突发新闻：发胶弹飞子弹挽救川普。
Breaking News: Trump saved when bullet ricochets off his hairspray. ---Chalky

每个女人都是脱衣舞女，只要你能在她们的窗外看足够久。
Any Girl is a Stripper, if you wait outside her window long enough.---brainsbrain

昨天晚上，我女儿样的仓鼠从笼子里跑出来了，我特么找了一宿……
可惜没找到，不过可以确定的是，它绝对不在酒吧里。
My daughter's hamster escaped from its cage last night so I spent 8 f'kin hours looking for it...

No luck though, he definitely wasn't in the pub.---madtim

救生艇上有救生艇吗？
Do lifeboats have lifeboats? ---stickyagain

MAGA-Make All Guns Accurate(让所有枪都能指哪儿打哪儿)。
Make All Guns Accurate.---scotty

有人想要刺杀川普。

瞄的是头，结果只打到了极右翼。
Someone tried to assassinate Donald Trump.

Aimed for his head, but only got the extreme right wing.---scotty

我不是说我老婆的柰子小，但是今天她把胸罩前后穿反了，结果更合身了。
I'm not saying my wife has small tits but, today, she put her bra on backwards and it fit better.---frankiestuds

我问一个爱尔兰佬，3+3+3+3+3是什么？
他回答说：“那特么不就是一片森林？”
(注：爱尔兰发音中three的发音是tree)
I asked an Irishman what 3+3+3+3+3 was,
he said ,
"That's a feckin' forest!"---cheryll25uk

自从我安装了镜面天花板后，我的性生活得到了翻天覆地的改善。

现在我能看着自己打飞机了。
Since I installed that mirrored ceiling in my bedroom my sex life has improved immeasurably.

I can watch myself having a wank now. ---wtd

我跟老婆欣赏着窗外的暴雨，她赌我肯定不敢脱光了跑进雨里跳舞。

打赌我从来没在怕的，于是我脱光了冲出了门，正准备嘲笑她的时候，突然看到门在我身后关上了，公交车开走了。
My missus and I were looking out of the window at the pouring rain when she dared me to strip off and dance in it.

Always up for a dare, I stripped off and ran out of the door and I was having a right laugh until I saw the doors close behind me and the bus drive away. ---theancient

哥们儿跟我说，他以后不会再去酒吧了，因为消费太高了。他说自己现在就直接去超市，5英镑就能买到4个罐头。

可能我以后得尝试一下森斯伯瑞超市，因为乐购超市的氛围太他妈烂了，我一个罐头还没吃完就会被保安轰出去。
My mate told me he doesn't go to the pub anymore as it's too expensive. He says he just goes to the supermarket and gets 4 cans for a fiver.

Maybe I'll try Sainsburys later, cos the atmosphere in Tesco's was bloody awful and I'd barely finished the first can before security threw me out. ---wtd