一些地狱笑话(4)

在我的柠檬水摊子，第一杯柠檬水是免费的，第二杯收费5美元。续杯里面有解药。
At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

90岁时的滚床单就像是用根儿绳子打台球。
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

-洋葱和孩子有什么不同点？
-剥洋葱的时候会流泪。
-What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
-I cry peeling Onions!

爆炸发生后露西去哪儿了？遍地都是。
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.

在死后，尸体中唯一温热的器官是哪个？我的小和尚。
After death, what is the only organ in the body which remains warm? My penis.

一名黑人男性身中15枪，警方称这是他们见过最惨的自杀案。
A black man was shot 15 times. Police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.

耶稣和耶稣画像有什么区别？画像只需要一颗钉子就能挂住。
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

该怎么称呼一位耳聋的妇科医生？唇语专家。
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.

有天一人问我：“春袋怎么拼？”我说：“你该昨儿晚上问我，当时就在我嘴边儿。”
Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”

如果人是被烧死的，那火化时有折扣吗？
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

爷爷说我太依赖科技了。我说他是个伪君子，然后拔了他维生装置的电源。
My grandfather says I am too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

我的老板在一个犹太客户面前放了个屁，说：“一点点气儿要不了人命的。”
My boss farted in front of a Jewish client, "A little gas never killed anybody."

怎么称呼一位比她兄弟们跑的更快的白人女孩？红脖儿老姑娘。
What do you call a White girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck spinster.

我给一帮坐在长凳上的白人整了个新定义——NBA。
I got a new definition for many White guys seated on a bench, NBA.