2008/05/14：
恐龙是如何做爱的？
译者按：
原文出自The Straight Dope ，这个网站由Cecil Adams 创建，此人自述：“塞西尔·亚当斯是世界上最聪明的人，这点毫无疑问，因为首先他知道一切，其次他没有错过。”Cecil为此30多家报纸提供消息，你提出的任何问题，他都能悉数解答。(真有问题？别问俺，发邮件到cecil@chicagoreader.com)
“恐龙如何做爱”这个问题实在2000年十月6号提出的，算是个老问题了。那天突然看到豆瓣上有人问这问题，俺就把他翻译了。都是方言俚语，很难翻译啊，给挑挑错吧？
=====开始=====
这个问题不难回答，只要你能耐下心烦听我解释。在一本1999年出书里面，正好有你这个问题的答案，肯尼思·卡彭特写的《龙蛋、龙窝和龙宝贝：恐龙生产问题研究》（Eggs, Nests, and Baby Dinosaurs: A Look at Dinosaur Reproduction），印第安娜大学出版社出版。肯尼思五岁的时候第一次见到哥斯拉，他的兴趣一下子迸发，经过不懈努力终于写出了这本既学术又大众化的书。一方面，我们可以在这本书里面找到学术论文必备的表格、插图和参考资料；另一方面，书中又有些通俗的问题。书的第五章就叫“恐龙如何干那事儿”，这不就是你想从哥斯拉官方攻略（The Official Godzilla Compendium）里找到的东西？
你总是能从书中得到很多好知识。书的前面几章有这样的说法：“鉴于鸟类和爬行动物的性腺都埋藏在身体里面，我们有理由相信恐龙也是这样的——所以不会有个什么玩艺儿吊在外面...”我得强调，虽然我欣赏肯尼思的口语化风格，但咱也得搞清楚他的深层意思。
上文引述的内容中说道，恐龙身上吊着得那玩艺儿好像...好像...好像啥来着？嗯，这样说吧，咱们哺乳动物在这方面不好与他们找出个相似点来——与你不同，恐龙是爬行动物。事实上，我们根本无法确定，（男，译者注）恐龙到底有木有JJ——如果真的有，说不定也是隐藏起来的。恐龙交配最有可能的方式，应该是“泄殖腔接吻”(kissing cloacae)。泄殖腔是鸟类和爬行动物身上的一个多功能的器官，它同时负责交配、撒尿和排大便。你看，这玩艺儿一出场，立即就让恐龙之间的爱情没那么罗曼蒂克了，那咱也得继续说下去。说，一对恐龙准备做爱的时候，他们得先让泄殖腔并置，然后阴`茎或者半阴`茎（如果恐龙真有dd的话）从公恐龙身体里挤出并嵌入母恐龙的泄殖腔中，结合之后就可以进行物质交换了。肯尼思的理论认为，雌恐龙的外阴（注意，此为学术名词——译者）跟当今鳄鱼的bb有点儿像，所以我们也认为雄恐龙有JJ，这才能跟鳄鱼差不多。
这事儿听起来是很简单，可实行起来未必这么简单。有人怀疑恐龙性交的难度大于联盟号空间站与和平号空间站对接。首先，你都指出来了，恐龙的大尾巴是个不小的问题。有人提出，恐龙做爱可以按照“蜥蜴模式”进行：男恐龙从背后进入，然后把尾巴扭曲到女恐龙身子底下，直到他们的泄殖孔相接。肯尼思找到了Beverly Halstead画的一幅画，画里有两只做爱中的梁龙，他们的尾巴迷人地缠在一起。但是他认为这种设定不太符合恐龙解剖学的研究——典型的恐龙尾巴是又硬又直抵举着的，因为恐龙用它来保持平衡。要把这种尾巴卷起来可不怎么容易。
肯尼思提出了另一套理论。他认为恐龙是用“家猫体位”（原文“housecat-style”，这方面俺也不懂——译者）进行性交。女恐龙爬在地上，举起屁股并把尾巴扭向一旁以便露出尿殖孔；男恐龙骑在后面，前腿支在母恐龙的背上，有时候甚至腿抬起一根后腿以便于器官的紧密结合。
我觉着这个办法能够奏效。尽管研究了许多恐龙交配的想象图，你“背上长着大板子的剑龙如何用这种姿势交配呢？这问题也不难，”他写道，“女剑龙也是要趴下，后腿蹬直，男剑龙可以很轻松地把前腿放到母恐龙宽大的骨盆一旁。更难想象的是，一百五十米多米长，一百多吨重的蜥脚类双腔龙（Diplodocus-like sauropod Amphicoelias）如何交配。其实，当动物长到这么大的时候很可能已经过了更年期很长时间了。”你完全有理由相信肯尼思的理论：每天我们都能在商业街看到一些身材像恐龙一样好的人——但是最终他们也能很好地做爱。有志者事竟成嘛！
现在，这本书最迷人的部分就要出场：由艺术家刘易斯·雷彩绘的“肉食恐龙春宫图”（Carnotaurus sex）。 假如这个能做成《花花公子》中间折页的样式，书的销量一定大增。书中有对暴龙浪漫做爱的生动描绘——咱们看起来，这姿势怎么那么像橄榄球运动员要起跑呢？男暴龙双眼圆瞪的表情说明他刚交了货，而那只母恐龙看起来有略点儿紧张，说不定这是她第一次呢。当是时，翼龙盘旋于头顶，地上的蒸汽嘶嘶直冒，这震撼人心的场景充分表明：恐龙做爱的时候不免要伴随着地动山摇。
# Cute Comments 采集器
这个 说:
（赵老师浑厚男低音）在北半球进入春天的时候，大大小小的恐龙开始进行交配，由于它们体型实在是庞大无比，在繁衍后代的同时，还造成了一定程度上地壳的板块漂移和碰撞。后来著名学者达尔文留下了一句著名的话"恐龙做爱，地球受不了"
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厄……这人实践经验很丰富啊……“你提出的任何问题，他都能悉数解答”我只是想问“先有鸡还是先有蛋”～～over
- -强帖留名
上图……
其实我一直觉得恐龙是因为ML太麻烦所以灭亡了
这篇文章很黄很暴力
还好这个题目是在煎蛋，是科学的答案。
如果在其他地方或许是如下答案中的某个：
当然是关了灯在黑暗中进行，否则会吓坏对方。
用刀子或其他具有同等效能的武器逼对方同意。
重金贿赂对方同意。
对方是盲人…………
男恐龙从背后进入，然后把尾巴扭曲到女恐龙身子底下，【知道】他们的泄殖孔相接
男恐龙从背后进入，然后把尾巴扭曲到女恐龙身子底下，【直到】他们的泄殖孔相接
？？？
（赵老师浑厚男低音）在北半球进入春天的时候，大大小小的恐龙开始进行交配，由于它们体型实在是庞大无比，在繁衍后代的同时，还造成了一定程度上地壳的板块漂移和碰撞。后来著名学者达尔文留下了一句著名的话”恐龙做爱，地球受不了”
大家不妨想象刺猬是怎么交配的，是面对面呢还是男刺猬趴在女刺猬上呢
@乌子虚 俺错了（脸红）。
另文中“爬下”应为“趴下”，“爬在地上”应为“趴在地上”。
@这个 想象力非常丰富，赞！
@dimlau 确实有些道理，对恐而言，可能ML应该算是最艰难的事情之一。
不错不错！
1楼的问题俺们宝宝已经解决了。我问她：“先有宝宝还是先有爸爸妈妈？”她说：“先有宝宝。”再问：“先有鸡还是先有蛋？”她答：“先有蛋。”理由是：有了宝宝爸妈才成为爸妈，有了蛋鸡才成为鸡（不知道鸡鸡知道这一点后也许会怒目红冠吧）。
“男恐龙”“女恐龙”。。。寒啊。。。
让我想起了以前梁冬以前经常说的“男青年”“女青年” 囧~~~
恐龙真辛苦，要不停的补充能量，还不知道这辈子能ml几次
@花儿的妈咪 你们家宝宝真的很聪明！！很不错的理由！
强。。。
真强。。。
相当强。。。
天呢 只能这么说了！
Dickey 说:
2008-05-15 9:47 am
@花儿的妈咪 你们家宝宝真的很聪明！！很不错的理由！
=========================
谢谢!你夸宝宝,宝宝妈与有荣焉
我想问“先有鸡还是先有鸭”
所以恐龙灭亡了吧？ 还好人不用那么麻烦。。。
恐龙真不容易……
好文章。。。
好强的你们。。。
牛B
@海鸥: 加油！
哈哈~
………………….
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额 我觉得 生蛋么 恐龙不是 那可以体外受精的吧 比如鸡蛋XD
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